It is a land of epic dimensions and diversity in all aspects, from culture to climate and everything in between. If you asked the average Aussie bloke what the differences were between living in different parts of the country, he would probably lift his hat, scratch his head and say, “buggered if I know, but it’s hotter in the Territory than it is in Mexico.”
In reality, there are many differences. There are eight states and territories in this wide brown land and it would seem we can’t agree on even the simplest things. As a man who is fortunate enough to have a job that takes me all over Australia, I can assure you I see differences that just don’t make sense.
Go to Victoria and order a potato scallop and you’ll get what every other state calls scalloped potatoes as they passionately choose to call scallops ‘potato cakes’. Point out a galah to a Western Australian and they’ll correct you to let you know it’s a ‘pink ‘n’ grey’. In South Australia if you order a pint of beer, you’ll get what in any other state would be a schooner.
Buy a box trailer in Victoria, South Oz or the Territory, you’ll get a seven-pin large round plug on the front, in New South Wales, Tasmania and Western Australia you’ll get a seven-pin flat plug and in Queensland you’ll find a seven-pin small round plug. You’d reckon we could have the same plug on the back of our cars, but guess what? You can’t even catch a train because the bunch of nincompoops can’t even agree on what gauge of railway line to use! Madness!
The problem, it seems, is that we can’t agree on who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s going to change and who’s going to leave things be, but I’ve got a solution … I think. We establish a group of eight people, one from each state, each elected by their peers. Now I know we shouldn’t just have people who won a popularity contest making decisions on how the rest of us live … oh, hang on, on second thoughts maybe that’s exactly how we got into this mess. I figured there must be a few things we could all be happy with regardless of what state we’re from so I conducted a short survey; these are the results and the three things all those surveyed agreed on unanimously:
1. Christmas decorations should go up in November.
2. Dame Edna should be a national treasure.
3. The best lookin’ Aussie blokes wear blue shirts, have beards and rock Akubra hats.
I’d like to thank my mum, my daughter and my missus for being the three people who took part in my survey.
