Come the resolution, comrade, you’ll be first against the wall!
Okay, it’s all over for another year. Now it’s time to get into some very important routine things. You’ve done it before and you can do it again, the only difference is, this year I’m going to help you through it. As I said, you’ve done it all before so there’s no need to be scared and after all, it’s a new year, it’s going to be different this time, right?
Yep, ah, all set up, “new year, new me” and all that good stuff. Who’s coming to the gym? Who’s throwing the smokes away? Who’s drinking less? Who’s coming to sort out that tiff you had with your bestie last year? Righto, hands up who’s dropping the chips from the order and going straight to the salad? Hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s start saving money this year instead of spending it (whoops, I just maxed every piece of plastic I had at Christmas so maybe I’ll start that next year).
Yep, it’s that time of year again, the time where we actually try to believe our own B.S. and claim that this time, it’s going to change.
Right, here’s the plan, work with me on this, I am the “I” in team and I’m going to save you more pain than codeine. Okay, my self-help program is going to save you about a month of beating yourself up and today, on a
one-off promotion, it’s free.
Here we go, it’s where you would have ended up in February but I’m going to fast track that to now. Follow these instructions carefully and move on with your life; light a smoke, pour a drink, cancel the gym membership and get back whatever money they will refund now, call your ex bestie and tell them that what you said stands and then spend the gym refund on chips.
There, done; that was easy, wasn’t it? See you next new year and we will go through it all again.
Happy New Year!
Oh, and take your Christmas tree down, I know you’re going to need it again at the end of the year but please, take him down and put him in the shed until
you need him again, and the
lights while you’re at it, good on ya legend.
No need to thank me, happy